By Mike Williams
According to Wikipedia; Single parent is a person who lives with a child or children and who does not have a spouse or live-in partner
Merriam-Webster defines a single parent as a parent who lives with a child or children and no husband, wife or partner.
An increase in single parenting in Africa, especially among women has become a global concern. Survey in Africa has shown that out of a sample of 36,122 never married women aged 20-49 years in the continent, 22.4% were single parents of children 18 years or younger whereas 50.5% of never married women in southern Africa were mothers, only 15.7% in western Africa ever had a child.
“The question is should single parenting be encourage?”
*Reasons women become single mothers*
✓Widowed: Death of partner according to history was a common cause of single parenting. At certain times “War” might also deprive family of a parent, moreover improvement in health care and peace keeping has reduced death rate drastically for those of reproductive age thereby making death a less cause of single parenting
✓Divorce: Oxford Advance Learner Dictionary defines divorce as the legal ending of a marriage. In 2009, the overall divorce rate was around 9/1000 in USA while in sub Saharan Africa it was 32% which is the highest percentage in the world
✓Unwanted/unintended pregnancy: Out of wedlock births are usually frowned at by the society and they often result in single parenting. A partner may leave because he/she does not want to bear the responsibility of raising the child as survey shows that in 1990, 73% of births to unmarried women were unintended
✓Choice: some individual choose to become pregnant and parent on their own. Some even choice single parenting over divorce as divorce is believe to have unnecessary stress on the kids
✓Culture and religion: Cultural and religious differences has been noted for causing separation between couples. A man who belongs to a different religion and culture from his spouse maybe advised by his family to seek for a woman who shares the same culture and religion with him, not minding if his spouse is already pregnant or have kids
✓Unfair treatment in relationship: A woman is likely to walk away from a relationship if her spouse assault her. In most cases she leaves with her child/children not minding the problem of single parenting she will face. Women battery is a common sight in this modern day relationships especially in Africa and should be totally discouraged.
✓Infidelity: This can be from either party in a relationship. If a man discovers his spouse is unfaithful, he may choose to end the relationship vice versa. And either the man or woman will be left to parent their child/children.
*Evil of single parenting on both parents and children*
√Scholastic struggle: This is the struggle that children with single parents go through Educationally. Studies shows that 90% percent of children who grow up with single parents perform woefully in school simply because of the in balanced life they face at home
√Sense of loss: Children who grow up with single parents always feel lost and left out. Most cases, they feel sad when they see their mates with their mother and father. They always wish they could be with theirs too
√Problem accepting new relationship: The negative effect of single parenting always make the single parent to face a huge problem of accepting new relationships. “Once bitten twice shy” so thy say. Their past experience tend to place a strong obstacle that holds them back from moving on.
√Relationship difficulty: Children who grow up with single parents always have a problem having and keeping good relationship with others. They most times bully others and won’t hesitate castigating
√Negative outlook of life: Children that grow up with single parent are known to develop a negative outlook on life, they believe good things will never come. They are pessimistic and will waste no time in discouraging anyone who wants to succeed
√Unhappiness: This is linked to both single parent and her/his children/child. They experience unhappiness from time to time. The mother feels lonely without her spouse and the children too feel unhappy without their fatherly and motherly love
√Psychological trauma: This is so common with single parents as their loneliness and stress often leads to insanity. Their need to meet the very needs of the family all by them selves seems a greater load to bear alone
√Financial struggle: “Two heads are better than one” single parent always struggle financially to meet the needs of the child/children, unlike if both the father and mother were together, their joint income will produce a sustainable family
√Lack of self esteem: Research have shown that 90% of kids from single parent home lack self esteem. They are not daring nor bold enough to achieve something great in life. They are loners. And it takes more than a miracle to make them believe in themselves
√Promotion of immorality: ingle parenting can promote immorality at an alarming rate. Single parents feels free to have as many partners as they want since they believe they are not under the monitor or control of anyone and so they are free to live life the way they want it. Without their knowledge this act affects their children as they imitate their parent
√Individual conviction of gender unworthiness: This is common with the children who grow up with a single parent. If the child grows up with a mother, he/she will be forced to believe that father’s are wicked and useless and if the child’s grows up with a father, he/she will be forced to believe that mother’s are wicked and useless.
This happens because single parents tend to see it as an avenue to pay back the partner who walked away by instilling hatred in their kids against them
√Dangerous behaviour i.e. drug abuse, alcohol, crime: This is a major result of single parenting. It affects both the parent and kids as they find themselves Involve in drugs, alcohol and crime.mostimes to keep themselves from over thinking, stress and so on
*Solution to the evil of single parenting on both parents and children*
•campaign to enlighten the society on the evil of single parenting
•Divorce should not be an option
•Marriage should be for the adult and matured
•Religious leaders should settle marriage dispute as quick as possible and preach against single parenting
•Parents should discourage their children from getting pregnant out of wedlock
•Media houses should sensitize the society on the evil of single parenting
•Marriage should be for better or worst
*Ways to reduce single parenting stress*
°know that you are not alone: Thousands of parents around the globe are single parents. If you find yourself in the situation, you can learn about others experience and how they cope with single parenting through blogs, online communities and support groups. Also family and friends may render helping hands in baby sitting, cooking meals or taking your kids to events if you ask for their help. This helps to drastically reduce the stress you could pass through as a single parent
°keep up a routine: Try your best to maintain balance and stability in all you do as kids value it alot.
Maintain a regular schedule of meal,sleep, homework and play as kids do quite well when they know what to expect out of their daily routine and what is expected of them. Setting up a calendar will make it easier to remember your schedule and to plan ahead for events as they come up.
°Attain financial stability: Lack of money can flare up stress. Try as much as you can to eliminate frivolous spendings,and get your credit card, and other debt in order. Also research ways that you can save money on school supply, clothing,grocery and much more.
°Dont be too hard on yourself: There’s nothing productive about you feeling sorry for yourself or guilty over the fact that you can’t give your kids everything they ask for or for the fact that you are a single parent. What’s productive is to do all you can for your kids with great love, no matter how small the things you give them. Support and love of parent to children means much more than material gifts, and also remember that you did not choose to be a single parent,life just happened.
°Give yourself some free time: Allow yourself to have regular times where you are away from your children doing what you like to do. This matters alot as it helps you refresh your body, soul and spirit, regain your sanity,regain your sense of peace and reduce anxiety. A weekend trip, or a meal with friends or alone does the magic
Rosy is a product of such home. She’s educated but she sternly believes it’s absurd to submit to a man and so she prefers to be a single parent though lacking a clear picture of the voiceless pains single parents faces mostly in secret
Amie is another of such, she has no clear regard for the male gender as her single mother nurtured her from childhood of how evil men could be, using her estranged father as a case study. Amie’s decision is to be a single mother like her mother and no advise could change her decision
Fatou is another of such, a child who grows up never to have met her father. Fatou has a negative outlook on life as she lacks self esteem. Fatou has no regards for the male folks of fatherly age and she never believes in herself. Her performance in school drops drastically as she grows mature with what I call single parent negative syndrome(SPNS) Her mother’s pride of single parenting, and also instilling hatred and unworthiness of male folks of fatherly age in her is leading adamant fatou to her doom! The list is endless
While the negativity of single parenting is higher that the positivity that’s not almost visible; I strongly speak against the practice of single parenting in Africa and the world. 90% of single parents never wanted to be single parents, life just happened! But like an African proverb that says “An adult that falls into a pit, should serve as a lesson to the others”.
Single parents should never nurse their children with hatred for the opposite sex judging from their own experience, Instead they should train their children to live right, love truly irrespective of gender, and believe that goodness can be found in anyone and most importantly never to repeat their own mistake of becoming a single parent. Let them know that single parenting is not advisable. Never make them believe that you are happy being a single parent so they won’t grow up repeating the same mistake. You are the mirror that your child/children see themselves through. Be a good example to them and they will give you peace throughout your days on earth
Single parenting should not be encouraged!
