EDUCATION
By Daseta Gray, MA. Ed: Certified Infant /Toddler Specialist
I have worked for over twenty-five years in early childhood settings both as a teacher, director, and consultant. I have observed interactions with young boys and their caregivers, which usually differ from those with girls.
This begs the question: when classrooms are organized for these early years, are boys’ needs considered?
Boys from infancy need space to grow. Boys love to climb, dive off tables, move a lot, take things apart and try to put them back together. These are some of boys’ temperamental traits. However, many times boys are described with adjectives such as: bad, destructive, disruptive, troublemaker, aggressive, uncooperative, etc. Does using this language lead us to destroying our boys during their infant/ toddler years?
Many adults like to say boys are slower than girls. Some characteristics are natural with boys, and they should be given the opportunity to develop. Just imagine if each time you attempt to climb on a table an adult is there saying, “No don’t do that.” Would you want to try climbing again? The infant/toddler years are critical considering the architecture of the brain is formed in those early years. However, many of us sever boys’ ability to feel a sense of accomplishment during these years which impacts their overall development.
With the negative attention boys receive during these early years, are the caregivers who dole it out hindering the development of their frontal lobes? The frontal lobe is the largest section of the brain and that allows us to develop executive functioning skills such as taking initiative, problem solving, making judgments, self-regulation, planning, understanding, organization, expressive language, attention/concentration, mental flexibility among other skills. The frontal lobe continues to develop until one is in their twenties. Young boys need a caregiver who understands how the architecture of the brain develops along with the knowledge of neuroscience research. This can be achieved with quality staff development that is focused on the research on brain development.
Childcare programs need to make their classrooms safe for young boys to climb on the table and when they get on the table you should celebrate by clapping your hands and saying “Yay, you did it!” You will see the child put on a big smile and observe how quickly he will do it again to experience your approval. This young boy is developing the architecture of the frontal lobe by learning his abilities and limitations. Try not to use the word “NO“ with boys during the infant/toddler years. “No” gives the child with a developing mind the idea that they “ should not try anything because they will hear the word NO.” This kind of language can discourage self-initiation, and will also create a deficit in the ability to become mentally flexible. Experience is what builds a brain, therefore it is critical for young boys to have positive experiences in these early years.
My grandson began walking at seven months. We were out and a lady saw him walking, “how old is he?” she asked, “He is seven months,” my daughter replied. “I am surprised because boys are usually slower than girls,” she commented.
When you are caring for boys, you must give them space to grow. You should also help them through the different developmental stages when they tell you that they are ready through their action. For example: if you are drinking from a cup and your five-month-old son wants to have some, allow him to drink from a cup. Don’t say “you are too young” (let me give you your bottle). Infants and toddlers learn through repetition and learning new skills takes practice. You need to introduce the adult cup to your son at five months. He will get enough practice so by the time he is eight or nine months he will be able to drink from a cup. Remember that your son’s brain is wired for learning; however, you need to help him connect the wires by being intentional with your actions.
Boys love action oriented activities but according to Peg Tyre(2009) many boys experience problems the day they begin school because of the lack of providing for gender differences.
Many childcare programs tend to have boys sitting too long when their temperament does not allow for that. When the boys stop focusing and the caregiver gets frustrated. Usually the boy(s) will be removed from the circle and be placed in the time out chair. His peers are looking; he is internalizing that negative feeling, in addition to any negative comment the caregiver may have added. It may sound like this: “Johnny I am tired of you disrupting the class. This is every day. I am going to tell your mother that you were not a good boy today.” (This is told to him in the morning, this child has the rest of the day to feel that he is not good anyway). These words are repeated so many times that these boys begin to internalize it (and believe they are bad). The caregiver did not solve the problem because she /he put him to sit again (time out). Now his brain is not being stimulated in a positive way. It is very important for caregivers to be trained in brain development.
During these critical years many of our boys are not given the social, emotional and cognitive skills that are needed for school:
- Social Skills: Understands how to self-regulate
Why It’s Important: When your children get to kindergarten they will be in a bigger class and may not be able to get individual attention. Your child should be able to self regulate. - Communication: Should be able to communicate his needs and feelings verbally in a socially appropriate manner as well as understand and show empathy for his peers.
Why It’s Important: Kindergarten is where children begin to practice their ability to make friends, show empathy and work in a group and how to socially interact with others.
Children who continue to express anger and frustration by hitting, yelling, and throwing objects will not only have a difficult time making their needs understood, but may socially isolate themselves as well. Knowing that there are more productive ways to express themselves and what they say and do affects other people plays a key role in making friends and being a part of the learning community.
- 3. Independence: Can play independently or in a small group without needing to be constantly supervised.
Why It’s Important: With twenty children in a class, all of whom learn in different ways and at different paces, it’s not possible for a kindergarten teacher to supervise every individual child all at the same time.
As kindergarten progresses, group and independent work time increases and children need to be able to work on their own without constant redirection. Not only does this prepare a child for future schooling, but these are also life skills that he will take to the work world.
Your son should feel competent-he should feel that he can have an impact on the world
4. Relatedness: Should be able to take turns, share, converse and play with other children without needing to be reminded and use polite language.
Why It’s Important: Your son will be able to engage with his peers and understand his peers.
5.Self-discipline: In kindergarten there will not be a toy or book for everyone. Your son needs to learn how to share materials, toys and attention before he gets to kindergarten. He’ll need to be able to do so in a socially acceptable way.
Why It’s Important: Your son is building the foundation for interacting with others, this skill will be useful throughout his life. It also teaches him patience.
- Curiosity: Your child should be able to think independently, explore new things and should be willing to take risks.
Why It’s Important: Going to kindergarten is a major transition for your son. He may experience separation anxiety. You should ask the school to arrange a trip to the kindergarten class this will allow for a smooth transition.
Reflecting on Social, Emotional & Cognitive Skills
- Mastering these skills is an ongoing process which is why parents and caregivers need to start introducing these skills during the infant/toddler years.
- Infants/Toddlers who experience positive relationships develop resilience and a positive sense of self (Ainsworth& Bell 1994: Arnold, Gove & Souse” Erickson, Korfmachher & Eggeland 1992).
- Children come to believe they are lovable and important and can influence other people.
- Children with secure relationships know these children are better at self regulation (Shore 1997). These childrens are easier to settle down after they have been distressed.
- Children with poor relationships are harder to teach because they get little pleasure from teachers’ warm encouraging words. (Hoing 2000)
You need to work on giving your son(s) these emotional skills both at home and in child care. Counting and the ABCs will not prepare your son for success in the world. He needs social emotional skills and they must be given during the infant toddler years 0-3years.
You may think it’s too early to teach your son the various skills I laid out above, but remember your son’s brain is always working even if he cannot yet speak. At birth his brain is 25% developed and by age three his brain is 85% the size of the adult brain.
Repetition is key and you are your son’s first teacher and a mirror of his world. Designing childcare in and outside of the home with boys’ positive development in mind, will ensure our societies raise boys that can participate as good citizens in the future.
References
You Are My World by Amy Hatkoff
The struggle of boys in early childhood settings by Francis Wardle
The Trouble with Boys by Peg Tyre (2009)
The Challenge of Boys in Early Childhood Program (www.communityplaythings.com)
